14 years later…
I made it… lol
Not only do I love him… I like him!!! I love being around him… I’m stronger because of him… my career has evolved and soared because of him… we laugh so much together… he has taught me and shown me how to be a better person… shown me that with perseverance comes more struggles AND growth…
The most impressive lessons I have learned are
“success” looks different to everyone
Our success was different than the pediatricians definition of success. The teachers. The family members. The friends. AND the church’s definition. Our success were celebrated EVERY TIME… he finally started eating solid foods without gagging, who cares that he was 3yrs old, or peanut butter when he was 12. It’s a big deal that he finally kissed me, so what he was 4 years old!
I also learned that I had to be the driving force in my son’s changes, growth, development.
Often times we rely on outside sources to help us reach change or even inner peace. I was hoping that the pediatrician, neurologists, teachers, occupational therapist, my family, friends, and even the other parent would be the one to help cause change. I learned that the skills and talents God has placed within me were EXACTLY what Genesis needed. Most importantly I needed to believe, love, and LIKE myself enough to trust I could overcome this current state I found myself in.
I learned that change is caused by a lifestyle change not by a therapy session three times a week. Or by going to a church service. Or a one hour session at the counselors office. All those factors ARE crucial, important, and needed. But the strategies those resources taught me had to be implemented ALL DAY EVERYDAY by ME!!!
We have become a fast pace easy fix society, “Take two of these and call me in the morning” There is always medication that can fix my situation. There is some type of therapy and/or therapist that can make it all go away or make it better.
WHAT IF… the independent variable of my mental state and physical situation is ME?!?!?!?
I was so busy trying to improve the quality of life for me kid just so that I can have sanity lol (don’t judge me lol)
I think one of the biggest errors we do as parents is that we forget to live… we are content with existing.
This is an area I’m still learning to improve on. It’s a life journey.
Step one is to accept and acknowledge our humanity, our imperfections, our feelings… Let’s own our feelings and thoughts. We’re afraid of being judged. We’re afraid what we show in social media isn’t what we live or genuinely feel when the lights are off and no one is looking.
Yes I’m an overworked mom
Yes I’m not happy with all my responsibilities
Yes I’ve gained weight
Yes my personal social life is BORING or nonexistent
Yes I didn’t have patience with my kid today
Yes I wanted to give up
Yes I hate that I’m doing this alone
Yes I’m tired
Yes I’m wearing the same clothes for the past few years (thanks Facebook for the reminder)
Yes most of my friends have disappeared into the abyss of life
Yes I have failed at 1,000,000 things
Yes I hate my circumstance
However, I will not be paralyzed by my thoughts. Face your true self!!! Like your true self… make modifications and adjustments… however giving up is NOT option. Open your mouth and be real and most importantly create your village. Stop being embarrassed that other will know you don’t have it all together. No one does!!! Even if their FB status says they do.
I like me.
I like my ManCub.
Always loved him!!!
Marilu
Silent Hope 